Ever since I was a child there would be times when the shit hit the fan over some crisis or another and everybody was yelling and arguing and carrying on, and I would immediately see a solution to the crisis or a way to end the argument. But everyone was too busy yelling/arguing/freaking out to listen, especially if it was a group of adults.

I would get so frustrated that I’d end up screaming in the loudest voice in the room, “Everybody SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!!!”

And everybody would shut up, but they’d be so angry (the adults because I spoke out of turn, the kids because I was being bossy) that instead of listening to my solution to the problem they’d all crawl up my ass.

Even if I was able to blurt out the solution, often times the group would still be so pissed that they’d reject it outright and continue down whatever disastrous path they were headed (especially if they were kids).

Eventually I learned the technique* of calmly repeating the solution until someone among the beserkers would finally chill out enough to comprehend what I was saying. They’d repeat it to the others, who would inexplicably stop and listen, even though I had been at it for several minutes.

Sometimes they would give me credit, often they wouldn’t.** But I didn’t care because (and this is very important) I DON’T CARE WHETHER I GET CREDIT FOR A GOOD THING HAPPENING, AS LONG AS IT DOES.

Slowly my reputation for crisis management grew, and it got easier to get everyone to calm down and listen to me.

Sometimes at High School parties (where there was invariably some sort of crisis) there would be kids who’d begin repeating “EVERYBODY SMOOTH OUT*** AND LISTEN TO CORKY!!!”**** And I’d be able to present my solution.

I lost that cachet when I left my hometown, and I’d have to build up a reputation all over again with every new peer group or job, but given enough time and/or crises I would.

As always, sometimes my advice was still disregarded and disaster would ensue, but when everyone listened to my plan/idea (and most importantly added constructive suggestions to improve/implement it) it would result in a solution.

Now there is a Global Crisis on many fronts. The world is locked down and (especially in America) people are yelling and carrying on and freaking out and shit is headed toward total calamity.

But we also have a unique opportunity to reinvent global society in such a way that all our problems would be solved and we could move on to the next phase of Human Evolution and fulfill our destiny as a species. Instead of perishing in the flames of ignorance, hatred, fear, and greed.

And I have the framework for a series of solutions to achieve just that.

It won’t be easy, we’ll have to give up a lot of cherished delusions and make extreme sacrifices, and I’ll need the help of all humankind.

But it’s paradise on earth if we all pitch in.

THEREFORE, EVERYONE PLEASE

SMOOTH OUT AND LISTEN TO CORKY

You’ll be glad you did.

___________________________________________________

* Women and People of Color use this technique in meetings frequently.

**Women and POC again smile knowingly.

***A Late 70’s Early 80’s Southeastern Wisconsin Stoner Slang Term THAT NEEDS TO BE REVIVED.

****My childhood nickname. I hated it growing up but tolerated it in High School. You can call me it if you wish, as long as you don’t use it to diminish or marginalize me. In which case I’ll get pissed.

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