CHICAGOCINEMA.NET

NO SHIRT NO SHOES NO FACE COVERING— NO SERVICE

JB just officially declared that anyone entering a business where social distancing is not possible must now wear a FACE COVERING.*

Some business owners are flipping out about “how are we going to enforce this?” And some assholes are trying to claim it’s a horrible civil rights violation— but it’s the same concept businesses have been using for years.

They just need to add an extra 3 words to the signs.


*Face Covering doesn’t mean a fancy Doctor mask. You can tie a t-shirt around your face and it will be just as effective.

Of course, SNEECHES will be wearing their fancy designer face coverings and throwing shade on everyone else, but fuck them upside down and sideways. (more on Sneeches in the future)

Sometimes I’ll say something deadly serious to people as a warning about something awful to come and (especially if it’s at a party) the room will burst out laughing.

It used to really piss me off, but eventually I realized that the statements themselves sound pretty funny, especially if you have a sardonic sense of humor.

The problem is, that since most everybody laughed at the statement, many of the people present (especially those a bit slow on the uptake) will think what I’ve said was just a joke.

SO—- What I’m about to say will probably make you laugh, but it is a Deadly Serious Statement of Historical Fact:

This Wouldn’t Be The First Time A Highly Advanced Civilization Was Destroyed Because Members Of An Insane Death Cult Took Power.

The Deserts And Jungles Of The World Are Filled With Their Ruins.

And Many Times The Final Unraveling Was Due To Poor Public Response To An Epidemic.

MORE ABOUT WHAT I’M TRYING TO DO HERE

And what I ask of you.


The world/internet is full of people who call themselves Citizen Journalists and they do great work. (more about them in the future)


They adhere (more than most “real” journalists) to high standards of accuracy and do their best to act as if they’re being employed by the NYT or Washington Post.


I intend to be a Citizen Pundit and counter all the BULLSHIT spewed forth by the legion of Blathering Turds in the Corporate Media.


My job is much easier than Citizen Journalists, because THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO QUALIFICATIONS OR STANDARDS FOR PUNDITS.


Not a single fucking one. Go check if you want.


All you have to do is be hired by some Network, who puts the title PUNDIT under your yammering head on the TV screen.


Basically, you just declare yourself a Pundit and go from there.


If you effectively speak enough lies and half-truths and spin corporate bullshit (and have some connections) you get to be on Big Time TV.


I intend to be The People’s Pundit and won’t just speak truth to Power, I’m gonna speak it to EVERYONE.


Some of you folks who actually know me in the “real” world (such as it is anymore) will have either been in my life during or perhaps directly witnessed/participated in some of the stories I will recount.


Don’t freak out and think that I’m ever going to try and make you look bad or try and make myself the hero of every story.


I’ve been a selfish boorish asshole my entire life and am PAINFULLY aware of that fact- and I’ll be raking myself over the coals harder than anyone.



You’ll see that soon enough.


But if I miss a crucial fact of a story, or forget to put it in an important detail, or if you have something *constructive* to add to or say about the story I tell- I’m relying on you to tell me.


However, I won’t debate the particulars of the actual events themselves. They happened. Deal with it. I have.

I’ll NEVER use real names (or any names at all if I can help it) and I’ll die before I reveal the names of the Innocent (Dragnet time). That’s a blood oath, my friends.

As for the rest of you: Good Pundits (kind of a theoretical concept these days) get popular because lots of people enjoy their insights and share their columns with others.

So please, MAKE ME FAMOUS. I’ll take it from there.

If you do, a World Of Shit will fall upon me. But I am ready for it.

It won’t have been the first time.